“It is difficult not to write satire.”

Dear Family and Friends,

Christmas Angels

It’s seems almost impossible that one whole year has passed without a call, letter, e-mail, or text from you.  I’m sure you’ve been as busy as we have.  Let me tell you all about our wonderful year.

santa man

Ed captured the Western Hemisphere Sales Director VP and Marketing Consultant, Business Generator title at First Corporation Corp.  He’s catapulting into position to be the First Second Man!  He flies between Hong Kong, Australia, Singapore, Taiwan, Beijing, Boston, Fargo, and home on a regular route. He always appreciates the tender touches of clean underwear, socks, love notes, and credit card bills I slip into his carry-on.  Our 20th wedding anniversary was special.  We rented the Anniversary Suite at Punta Pacifica in Costa Rica. It’s a beautiful country with gorgeous beaches and many English-speaking people.  It was perfectly romantic and the two days, one night just flew by.

The blessing behind that little February interlude was Edward Jonathan III.  He’s beautiful. He’s a boy! He looks just like me even though I know he’s squinting in the picture.  He was, after all, just 12 hours old. I wrote this while nursing in the hospital since we wanted you all to get the fresh, fresh news immediately!

fuzzy angel

Elizabeth turns 3 tomorrow.  Her favorite activities are singing at Sunday School and playing nicely with other children.  She was chosen to be preschool helper at the So Good Academy twice already!  By the way, please don’t ask for any more references for your children’s applications to So Good. The Director requested that even though we are the largest donors it might be nice to let other families on the west side have a chance at the 12 spots for the ’13 and ’14 admission classes.

Grace is now 4. She’s very sweet and social.   She has many girlfriends and is invited to birthday parties often.  This trait, (guess who she takes after?) coupled with the gymnastics classes she’ll begin in January, should make her the undisputed Captain of Cheer when she begins Old Fashioned Fancy Crest as a freshman in 2021!

girl

Lauren turned 8 on the fourth of July.  Her lemonade stand on the holiday parade route brought in more sales than any other child’s! Our little firecracker still wins all the spelling bees, geography quizzes, and mathematics derbies in her classroom.  The biggest blessing about her new age is that she can finally compete outside of the Good Academy for city, region and state honors.  You’ll probably see her name in the paper just after the first of the year.  Please don’t call and congratulate her.  We’re trying to keep her humble.

Anna Mary turned 10. Her hair is finally growing out after the great candle and scissor debacle in art class so she once again looks like she belongs in the family, Ed’s side, of course.

Edwina began Old Fashioned Fancy Crest in September.  She took her first SAT exam and earned a near-perfect score of 2150, so she has three years to get even better!  Her greatest achievement was acceptance into the Big East Coast Ballet Summer Intensive Workshop.  Can you believe I sent my child across the country to spend six weeks in the company of prima ballerinas?  She was placed in second level which is incredible for someone her age! I made it to the gala extravaganza finale so I could clap and throw roses from the front row.  It was magical.

My work is really quite wonderful and exciting. I love it! I’ve been working full time on the same deal – worth $300 million! – since I started in May;  I work 80-90 hours a week, but I find out next week if the contract goes through, so, I’m hoping I’ll have a nice Christmas bonus. I spent my birthday in Toronto, Canada, on business. Last month I went from there, to Plano, TX, to Seattle, to Philadelphia, to San Francisco, Atlanta and Chicago, but now I’m on maternity leave through the holidays so I can be well rested when it’s time to ramp up again on January 2.

Anyway, do keep in touch.  We’re too busy to reply, but we count our long Christmas card list as one of life’s greatest gifts.

Air kisses!
~The Naughty Alter-Egos of Nice Catherine and Sweet Sue

Christmas Card

p.s.  Juvenal, the Roman poet whose quote titles this post, is one of history’s great satirists.   To find a fine discourse, written by Roger Kimball in The New Criterion, on Juvenal’s style, perspective and the nuances of his enduring legacy, click here.

4 thoughts on ““It is difficult not to write satire.”

  1. Oh my gosh, you guys are too funny. This is great. Thank you for making me laugh, because, I think there is just a wee bit of all of us in this letter. 🙂

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